When the pressure is on and deadlines loom or disaster strikes, it can be very tempting to want to do something - anything - to start working on the solution as soon as possible. And, all things being equal, this is the right thing to do - we should have a bias to action.Read More
Last week the news was full of the disruption caused by the WannaCry Ransomware which has hit over 300,000 computers in 150 countries (as of 20th May). Some have blamed Microsoft, others the NSA, still others the Government. They are all wrong.Read More
There comes a point in any journey of personal growth and development where the next step we need or want to take suddenly feels way bigger than all the others taken so far. You might be embarking on your biggest ever project at work, preparing your first public speaking gig, creating your first presentation for work, starting a business or turning up to join a local sports team or theatre club for the first time. Whatever it is, it is something that is taking you out of your comfort zone.Read More
Most people desire or wish their situation to change, but only about 3% are prepared to actually put any effort in to make the changes happen.Read More
I watched in astonishment as smoke rose from my finger... then the pain hit.Read More
It was one of those good-news / bad-news days.
The good news was that my beloved Swiss Army knife, personalised with my name in silver, bought for me by my mammy way back in the 1980s had been found – the bad news was that it had been found during a routine security check of my bag as I entered the UK Houses of Parliament for a meeting. (No weapons allowed – I’m sure you understand why).
So, there I stood looking embarrassed as the police woman smiled and assured me it was not a problem – she would keep my knife safe at her desk and I could collect it on the way out after my meeting. I don’t know what made me feel more uncomfortable – the embarrassment of trying to sneak a weapon in to the home of democracy or the fact that it clearly happened so often the police had a well-oiled process for dealing with the situation…
A well-oiled process – consistency – the right things happening at the right time – these are all keys to success in any business and in our personal growth.
I spent the last two days in a hotel in the Costwolds with Christian Simpson’s Entrepreneurial Elite Think Tank – quite a mouthful I know – but it was a valuable learning experience for me. The room was full of around 50 entrepreneurs at various stages of growth from start-ups to multi-millionaires and they were all there to help each other and provide advice and mentoring to each other. Iron sharpens iron, as the proverb goes. One recurring theme over the two days was the need to create and follow processes as any business grows. It’s a sign of maturity and of transition – marking the move from a small business to a medium business as you grow up the SME scale. Having a process stops you needing to keep re-inventing the wheel, it helps you be consistent and efficient.
All these truths apply equally to our personal growth and development. In the 15 Laws of Growth, John Maxwell speaks about the Law of Design: to maximise growth, develop strategies. I agree with John when he says that systems make extraordinary results predictable - and they can range from the very simple: such as- what time of day do you work best – morning or afternoon – so do your most important work then; to the more complex such as systems like Getting Things Done (link: http://amzn.to/2lGvCwD ) or apps like OmniFocus (link: https://www.omnigroup.com/omnifocus ) which help you plan and priorities your schedule.
The key here- is to have a plan. I find that when I don’t have a clear plan, I tend to wander (and wonder) and I focus on doing the things that I find the most fun or easy which is rarely the same as the things which are important or urgent and then I get caught out when a deadline that I was not mindful of sneaks up on me.
Jim Rohn said: If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much!
So, what is your life plan? Do you have a plan for personal growth? How do you intend to add more value (or make yourself more valuable) to your family and clients or employer?
A growth plan which includes a system to help you apply it might be just what you are looking for.
My HIGH FLYERS course will challenge you to change your attitude and thinking in 10 key areas of your life and deliver this training in a unique scheduled way which will really help you apply each lesson and embed it into your daily routine before moving on to the next lesson.
Continuous growth and development is not only an attitude I take to my personal growth, but it applies to my products and services as well. Next week I will be releasing a major update to the HIGH FLYERS course, and upgrading the course from being audio only to being a video based course (and I will still keeping the option to download an MP3 of each lesson as many people like the opportunity to listen on their dog walks and commutes on their phone). This isn’t just a simple conversion of the existing audio and adding some slides – every lessons is being re-recorded from scratch and the content for each lesson is being updated and expanded. The new HIGH FLYERS course will delivery significantly more content and value and with the upgrade will come a modest price increase. The new course price will be £197, but all existing students will receive the upgrade for free as part of my usual ‘lifetime access guarantee.’
So if you are not already enrolled in HIGH FLYERS you may want to secure your lifetime access at the current price and enjoy the upgrade for free next week. Act today- don’t miss out! Enrol in HIGH FLYERS today: www.cool-waters.co.uk/highflyers
One of my favourite stories told by my father, was of his time working on the prototype of Concorde – the stunning, futuristic supersonic airliner. Dad was working for aircraft manufacturer BAC at Filton near Bristol when the second prototype Concorde 002 first flew in 1969.
The wings of an aircraft produce lift, and the focal point of that lift – the place where the imaginary string would attach that lifts the plane into the air – is called the centre of pressure or lift point. If the lift point coincides with the centre of gravity of the plane it makes the whole thing easier to fly and control. When Concorde 002 flew the test pilot noticed that the handling of the aircraft change significantly during the flight. The engineers soon realised this was due to the centre of gravity of the plane ‘moving’ as the weight of the fuel in the tanks changed as the jet fuel was consumed. The solution to the problem was to pump the fuel around the various tanks in the plane to keep it balanced – but how could the pilot know ‘where’ the centre of gravity was on the plane in order to know what fuel to shift where? This was my father’s job – to invent a centre-of-gravity-o-meter which the pilot could use from the cockpit.
All planes need adjustments during flight – this is called adjusting the ‘trim’ and it helps keep the aircraft balanced and on course.
The pilot keeps adjusting the trim of the aircraft, tilting the nose up or down, steering the rudder left or right to take into account the winds that are blowing on the plane, any turbulence the plane is passing through and changes in the aircraft itself as fuel is consumed and the metal of the aircraft heats up and expands or cools and contracts. The pilot knows the destination they are aiming for and keeps on making the necessary corrections and adjustments in order to get there. You could say it is the same with us- during turbulent times, when winds of change are blowing, when the heat is on – we need to make adjustments to our behaviour and plans if we want to stay on course. We need to keep adjusting our trim.
In John Maxwell’s 15 Laws of Growth, John talks about the Law of Intentionality. He says growth does not just happen – it is not an automatic process. If we want to grow, to improve, if we want to better ourselves and our circumstance and change our situation – we have to do something about it – it wont happen by itself. And it won’t ever be a single thing we need to do – it will be a process that may take days, weeks or even months to achieve the improvements and changes we desire. And while we are on that journey – we will need to keep adjusting our trim in order to stay on course. And by adjusting our trim I mean adjusting our scheduling, keeping our focus and ensuring we are on course to achieve what we desire. I find that having a clear set of goals and priorities written down really helps.
I’ve just finished an upgrade to my popular course on Goals that will help you avoid the 3 mistakes people often make when setting goals. During the course I will share how goals can help you clarify your priorities and take back control of your schedule, why we set goals that are easy but still fail to achieve them and also reflect on how we get changed by the goals we set – using an example from my own life involving a TV talent show. I’m sure you will find it as interesting and useful as I did when I first learned these principles.
When I first developed this course on Goals, it was an audio only course but the new version has been upgraded to be a video course with improved and expanded teaching. (You can also download the new course as an mp3 if you want to listen to it on your phone or MP3 player as well) I’m pleased with it and I hope you will find it useful. The course is still free and you can enrol right now by going to www.cool-waters.co.uk/goals
One of the things I love about my job as a coach and trainer, is that I am always learning new things that help me to grow and improve – even on subjects where I thought I already knew all I needed to know.
This morning, my world was a world of poo. That isn’t a metaphorical way to say anything had gone wrong – quite the opposite in fact. I simply mean that we have five new girl puppies in the house (they are 5 weeks old), and last night was my turn to be the puppy-sitter. It was all going rather well, with no cries for food until gone 06:30 am which is when I let the puppy-mummy Grace into the puppy-pen to feed them.
Great, thought I, the pups are being looked after by their mum so I can stumble into the kitchen and make myself a delicious Earl Grey tea to get my day off to a perfect start. By the time the tea was made I returned to the living room to find Grace had finished feeding the pups and wanted to get out of the puppy pen- those little pups are cute but they have got very tiny but very sharp teeth so the days of having a ‘comfort suckle’ on mum are over! I let Grace out of the pen and put some chew toys in for the pups to play with and decided to tackle the dishwasher back in the kitchen as the pups scampered about the pen and played – content and full of milk (the pups not me…).
This morning I learned something about synchronisation. Before the SAS or Navy Seals go into battle, they synchronise their watches. When lovers walk, they synchronise their steps. My little pups – they synchronise their poos!
I returned to the living room to a scene of carnage so stomach churning and disgusting that even HBO would not be brazen enough show it in Game of Thrones – it made the Red Wedding look like a family picnic. The pups were still scampering and rolling around the pen – but they had all been for a poo. And as any of my pups will tell you – there is no point in doing a poo unless you have a dance in it (which some did) – although some don’t dance, but they do paint – so they had painted little puppy paw prints on the wall, and made trails across the paper on the floor of the pen. And they are jolly and inquisitive little girls, these pups, so when I get over my shock and awe and get in the pen to try to start cleaning up- they scamper over to me to so they can see what I am doing, and try to help. One started to drag some ‘decorated’ paper over to show me what she had made for me – another stuck her face into the open packet of baby wipes I was using to clean another pup’s feet – one started to nibble my toes, another tried to climb up me and the fifth lay dozing with a smug grin on her face – I’m sure she was the one who painted the wall.
In his book, The Ideal Team Player, Patrick Lencioni talks about a type of person he calls: The Accidental Mess-Maker. These are individuals who don’t have great people skills but they do have a realistic view of themselves and others and they are driven. As a result: they want to help – they do get involved and volunteer for things but their colleagues and leaders have to spend time following them around apologising to all the people they offend, upset or misunderstood. That’s my pups right there – accident mess-makers the lot of them!
As I was cleaning up the puppy poop, I thought that it was a great metaphor for leadership. John Maxwell calls it the Law of Addition: Leaders add value by serving others. Being a leader is not about being served- it is serving others. I once worked for a business in the city of London where all the directors took their turn to clean the kitchen and collect the cups off everyone’s desk at the end of the day. I once worshipped in a church where the senior pastors were the ones who cleaned the offices and the toilets each week. Eleanor Roosevelt said: “It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.” Leaders lead the way- they show how it should be done. Show, not tell. Tell can come after show but tell on its own does not work.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed some danger signs in my attitudes – warnings that I need to look out for. They tell me that I’m not living the Law of Addition in the way that I should if I want to be an effective leader. Things like:
- Getting impatient or resentful with other people
- Thinking certain tasks are beneath my position – and usually this is hidden inside the thought – why am I having to do this – Bob should, not me.
- And finally – not knowing what those around me really value.
Let me explain what I mean in that last one: If I don’t know what you value, how can I help you achieve it? If I don’t know what you value – how can I give it to you? If I don’t know what you value – I don’t really know you. And IF I don’t really know you, then my attitude towards you as your leader is wrong. I can’t add value to you if I don’t know what you value or what you need!
Attitude is everything. When I am interviewing people to join me team – I care much more about their attitude than I do about their aptitude. It’s much easier to teach people new skills than it is to change or correct their attitude. It’s attitude that governs how we respond to stress, it’s attitude that determines how we respond to failure – and success. I believe it’s attitude, above all things, that determines our success levels. Having a teachable attitude, a willingness to learn from mistakes and so on…
Some people have good attitudes, and as a result they fly high in their careers – they succeed and lead well. Attitude determines our confidence levels and charisma.
The attitudes that successful people chose the take – and it is a choice – is the subject of my course HIGH FLYERS. I have found, and perhaps you will too, that working on my attitude not only improves how I feel but also how others respond to me and as a result this affects how successful I am.
Until the end of January HIGH FLYERS is 33% off in our January sale – go to www.cool-waters.co.uk/highflyers to find out more. Use the coupon code 33OFF before the end of January to save a third off the price of this ten part course.
If you agree that attitude is everything, HIGH FLYERS will help you develop winning attitudes.
There are two kinds of people in the world – those who acquire knowledge and those who apply knowledge.
Which one are you?Read More
Clare Boothe Luce called it your Life Sentence - it's the one sentence you would like people to say about you - the one sentence that summarises your life. If you don't pick it, someone else will write it for you.Read More
Today we're launching our new 10 part audio course called HIGH FLYERS and through it I'm going to share with you the 10 principles used every day by High Flyers.Read More
Everyone is given the same hours each day - make every day of yours worthwhile
The ability to do things in the right order, to work out what is really the thing that is most important and what will contribute the most value (however you decide to measure value) is a skill that separates life’s high flyers from the rest of the pack.Read More
Good intentions never achieved anything – it is action not intentions that produce results.
When we decide to take action and move our mind and our heart from the place of intentions to actually taking action then – and only then – are we able to make the changes in ourselves that we desire.
Decide is an interesting word, it comes from two Latin words meaning to cut off. So, when you decide to do something, you cut off all other possibilities!
In 296 the Roman Praetorian prefect Julius Asclepiodotus landed on the south coast of Britain with his fleet to re-take the country for Rome. He ordered his men to burn their ships. Now they had cut off any chance of escape - that had only victory or death before them. They had decided to conquer Britain - committed their lives to that goal- and they did!
Often we think we have decided to do something, but then fail to follow through - because all we have done in reality is make a choice or voice an intention. We haven’t committed to our decision and cut-off all other possibilities and that is why we fail to follow through.
I challenge you today to decide to stop making excuses and to decide to do that thing you have been wanting to do for months or even years. You know what I mean – it has come to your mind just now!
If you would appreciate some help working out the stepping stones to take you from where you are today to where you need to be, may I suggest my free course on goal setting: http://cool-waters.teachable.com.
For free weekly resources to help you develop as a leader, sign up to Team Awesome here: www.cool-waters.co.uk/awesome
Have you ever tried to remove a nut or bolt with pliers and it doesn’t budge, but when you use a wrench or spanner and get some leverage suddenly it is easy to move? That lever is such a clever tool – it is very handy and very simple.
A lever is defined as a rigid bar that pivots about one point and is used to move an object at a second point by a force applied at a third point. So how do we apply this to achieve a competitive advantage? How do we leverage our key skills?
Most people don’t leverage their own knowledge and skills but instead use just a fraction of what they have within themselves.
The first step is to take inventory of your assets. This doesn’t mean to list out your home, car, bank account balance… this means to list out your knowledge, your skills and your experience.
Next, explore how to get the full advantage of your asset inventory. If you own a computer or smartphone, you are frequently prompted to upgrade an application or program. There is new information available that will make your computer or phone work better (well one hopes, not always the case!). When was the last time you updated or upgraded your knowledge base? What was the last book, course, lecture or program you engaged in?
So now you have an inventory and you know what needs to be upgraded. These are your key skills and strengths that you can now improve upon. You may ask why focus on your strengths and those assets that are already developed. Why not focus on weaker skillsets. This is where you need to understand that the highest yield and the most efficiency comes from developing strengths rather than improving upon weaknesses. Leave your weaknesses for someone else who exhibits those as strengths.
Think of it this way, if you invest in your weaknesses, you may move your ability from poor to acceptable but if you invested the same time and energy into one of your strengths you could move yourself from being good to great or from great to world class. Which do you think will make you the most valuable to your clients, employers and family?
Invest in your strengths and build You 2.0
Many of us have been taught to look for the worst case scenario, to plan for negative contingencies and if we are not careful this can develop into a negative world view and we communicate this lack of confidence in our team and colleagues because we are clearly making contingency plans in case they let us down... and this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It is essential to have an attitude of believing the best in others.
The self-fulfilling prophecy refers to the idea that when someone creates a belief in something that is not yet true, and expects something with certainty, it will become true. With people, it suggests that as we communicate our expectations (subconsciously or unintentionally), they will conform and deliver the appropriate results.
When working with people, this is critical. When you express a lack of confidence in someone, it is returned with mediocrity, however if you believe in them and expect them to do well, research has shown that they will live up to that expectation.
Whatever you believe about your potential - you are right!
The four key principles of the self-fulfilling prophecy:
- We form certain expectations, or beliefs, of people or events based on our own perceptions, fears and experiences
- We communicate those expectations through our behaviours in a way that we would not have done without the belief
- People generally respond by adjusting their behaviour to match
- The result is that the original expectation becomes reality
Based on these principles, we can conclude that the expectations leaders place on their team determines the quality of the teams’ output.
A study of 100 self-made millionaires has shown that the most common characteristic in the group was the desire and ability to see the good in others. They were people builders, not critics. They empowered and supported their team to be their very best through positive means.
Believing the best in people is a critical piece of building successful viable relationships.
Being thankful everyday for what you have is a mind altering experience. Try this quick and easy exercise every day. Wake up and immediately say what you are grateful for. It could be as simple as another day on earth. Your feet touching the ground. The ability to breath… or get more involved – and be grateful for a specific person, condition, thing, whatever it is in your life that you are grateful for. Make a note in your journal of the people you are grateful for.
There are half full and half empty people on this planet. The half full group has their glass filled with gratitude. Gratitude is one of those emotions that can increase wellbeing and happiness among those who deliberately create it. Gratitude can also increase energy, optimism and empathy; all characteristics of positive happy people.
Practice being more aware of all the good things that surround you. Imagine how much easier it would be to handle diversity and opposition when you have this upbeat attitude? Imagine having a purpose in life, an appreciation for those lives around you, and a willingness to take action to show your feeling of gratitude.
Those are the ingredients to a more fulfilled balanced life. Focus on the big and the small things to show your gratitude. You will find that as you express this new attitude, you will become a more positive person, a pleasure to be around and work with and you will attract into your life people who will help you succeed.
Gratitude is a state of mind that we all have access to. It takes practice and with practice, it reaps great benefits.
There is one question that you can ask your team that will transform the way they work and revolutionise their performance.
You can ask the same question to yourself, with the same transformative results. Ditto your suppliers.
Would you like to know what it is? Well, to understand and use the question effectively, you first need to understand the big idea that sits behind it. But I’ll give you a clue – it’s not the question you currently ask your team, it’s not: “What have you done this week?”
First let me share with you the big idea…
Maxwell's Law of Priorities
In the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John Maxwell defines his law of priorities: Leaders understand that activity is not necessarily accomplishment. We can be busy all day doing things, but not necessarily achieve very much – have you ever had one of those days?
You can transform your own performance and that of your team by moving the focus of your day from activity to accomplishment. Activity is easy- activity is doing things, activity is being busy. Activity is the answer to the question “What have you done this week?”
If you are anything like me, you have spent years asking your team and perhaps yourself that question: “What have you been doing this week?” and the answer is normally the same: “I’ve being doing lots- I’ve been really busy!”
So here is the problem – if we are all so busy every week, why is it that our projects are not completed on time and our goals are not met? We hit the weekend tired and exhausted from all the DOING and ACTIVITY but we are not seeing the success we desire and our projects are late and jobs are incomplete. We are seeing the truth of this: activity is not the same as accomplishment, being busy is not the same as being effective.
So what do we mean by accomplishment? Accomplishment is finishing a project or task. Accomplishment = adding value (to the customer).
The concept of ‘adding value’ is a key principle that successful people and high performing teams understand. Adding value is what it is all about.
Jim Rohn said: We get paid for bringing value to the marketplace. It takes time, ...but we get paid for the value, not the time.
In almost every situation, we only add value only once a task or project is finished. Until the new software goes live, it doesn’t benefit the business. Until the car roles off the production line it cannot be sold to generate revenue… you get the idea?
In order to maximise the value we add, and get each project to the finish line as quickly as possible we can ask ourselves a different question: What have you finished this week?
It’s a simple change, but it transforms your thinking and focus from the starting line to the finishing line. Try it at your next team meeting!
For more detailed examples, including how to change the way you schedule and prioritise work to maximise the value you add and get things finished sooner, click the link below to download our free PDF guide to the One Question that changes everything.
One thing that can cause a task or project to take longer than necessary to reach the finish line is when we over-engineer the solution. There is such a thing as too much quality and too much complexity. If the client wants a Fiat 500 which can be built in a few weeks, don’t make them wait 12 months while you build them a Rolls-Royce. While we don’t ever want to produce something that fails to meet the required quality standard, we also need to remember that: good enough is good enough!
Sometimes we can make the simple complicated …
Which reminds me of my puppy (stick with me with on this)
A few years ago my wife had a bit of a mid-life crisis and said to me that she needed something small and cute to cuddle - two legs or four it was my choice. I decided four legs would be easier and a few weeks later Jazz the mad cockerpoo puppy entered our lives
(A cockerpoo is a cross between a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle - hence cocker-poo)
He's a big black ball of fun and his poodle genes mean his is quite clever - most of the time.
But - there is one thing that he does - which baffles me…
We're blessed to live in the middle of the English countryside next to the ancient hilltop town of Malmesbury - for a short while it was the capital city of England when Athelstan was king, over a thousand years ago
Whenever he goes for a walk in the fields around our home, Jazz searches out the biggest most prickly patch of stinging nettles or thistles he can find.
He then reverses into them- and does what'd dogs do in the middle of a field. Let's call it his 'business'
I have no idea why he insists on doing his 'business' in the middle of nettles
Perhaps he thinks his business is valuable - and he doesn't like that I steal it away and put it in the bin
Perhaps he likes to live dangerously
Whatever the reason - he has taken something perfectly natural, essential to every day life and good health and he has turned it into an extreme sport!
Not only has he made it harder for himself, he makes it harder for me who has to come along and clear up his 'business' - I have to dig into the nettles and thistles with my poop-a-scoop or doggie bag and try to pick it up!
Jazz has taken something simple, and made it complicate - dangerous even
He's making the job of clearing up his business harder for me than it needs to be
So the next time you find yourself doing lots, but not finishing very much, ask yourself:
- Am I adding complexity or simplicity?
- Am I making this harder than it needs to be?
- Have I turned a straightforward job into an extreme sport.
In other words, ask yourself - am I just pooping in the nettles here?
Don’t poop in the nettles - it makes the ordinary things of life harder for you - and harder for the people who follow after you.
Can you imagine that there may be a better way to doing what you do?
Can you accept that idea? Are you open minded enough to ask others for differing opinions? If you are able and willing to look at things through different eyes, read on.
How many times have you completed your daily routine without even thinking twice about which shoe went on first, if you brushed your teeth, if you washed your hair?
We are creatures of habit. We do things a certain way because, well, it works! Or that’s how I always did it. Because: I don’t know! Because: that is how my mom/dad taught me. Because that is what my big brother did… you get the idea!
So maybe it’s time to re-examine how you do what you do and why you do it and see if there is a better more efficient way of doing it? Maybe if you stop for a moment and say ok, I am going to consciously take notice of my life, my actions, my choices, you may immediately see that its time for a change.
Awareness is key to moving from a dependent state of doing to an independent state of being. Examine your actions and take responsibility for the outcomes. Now that you are aware of your outcomes and how you got there, examine these outcomes and decide if these need to be changed as well.
By focusing on the end result, you can make the necessary changes early on to better direct your time and energy.
So many people wish life was easier, with less challenges and obstacles but without challenges, life becomes stagnant and we stop growing. Challenge help us uncover who we are and it allows us to become better people.
Let’s examine a very simple 4-step method to overcoming challenges.
First, state the problem clearly. When we are faced with challenges, we tend to avoid the issue and run the other way burying our heads in the sand hoping it goes away. Or we may say – ok, there is an obstacle, instead of heading right to it and plowing through, I am going to look for another path and even though that is not the way I want to go – it looks easier… less headache… but rarely does that work out. When we avoid or go out of our way, we cause more headache in the end. It takes more of our time, it takes more of our energy and we don’t get the end result we are looking for. So take this time to understand what the challenge is. Ask yourself: what is the question, what is asked of me, what is the main goal? Write this down on paper.
Second, identify what you have at your disposal – what resources are available to you to work through this challenge? List all of these resources out. These should include things such as tangible assets – money, computer, books, etc. And then what skills you have, what are your strengths to work through this? Don’t forget other people – what access do you have to others that can help?
Third, design the strategy to overcome this challenge. Begin with the end in mind. Utilise all your assets to create a plan of action. You may find this plan will need to be tweaked as you execute and that is ok. Keep at it.
Lastly, execute the strategy with effort and determination. Do your very best with all you have to overcome your challenge.
If you find that you still cannot overcome a challenge, then re-evaluate. If your strategy just won’t work because it isn’t viable or effective then change it. If your strategy doesn’t work because you didn’t execute it well enough, be persistent and tweak your efforts, giving it more.
Practice this method on small challenges and see how easy it is to overcome.
Then try it on one or two of the mountains in your path!
Behaviour can be defined as:
a physical thing one does such as a morning routine or it can be non-physical such as replaying negative thoughts all day long.
A few behaviours are instinctual and built in while the rest are learned through meeting needs. What this means is that our behaviours are motivated by our needs (or what we believe our needs to be) and therefore we can be manipulated as well as manipulate others to have our needs met.
So when we have negative behaviours and we want to change them, we find it isn’t always so easy because these learned behaviours that we exhibit are actually rather complex.
There are two types of motivation – the motivation to approach something and the motivation to avoid something. When we desire something, we are motivated to approach it therefore receiving positive reinforcement or feedback. When we avoid something, we are motivated to move away from it or we will receive negative reinforcement or feedback. This is pretty simple. We understand that when we eat something sweet, most of us have a pleasant experience and when we eat something sour, our faces pucker and we try to avoid that experience again.
But let’s look at those things we approach or avoid because we need to learn that the thing itself doesn’t create that behaviour, we do. Here's an example: Some people desire the adrenaline rush of jumping out of an airplane. It is exhilarating – it is something they repeat again and again as it has a positive affect on them and they desire that and are motivated to seek that experience. Some people avoid even the thought of getting on an airplane due to their learned fears that it will absolutely crash and they will die no matter what statisticians say – forget purposefully jumping out of a perfectly good airplane! Did the airplane create these behaviors? No! We learned them. And each of us react differently to different things, experiences, tastes, smells, thoughts, etc. All because of our own personal thoughts and behaviours.
So how do you change your behaviours? Your thoughts? Let’s say you want to become a public speaker but you are petrified of speaking in front of people. How can you overcome this fear, build confidence, perform and knock it out of the park? You have to change your behaviour so that you are motivated to approach public speaking effortlessly without turning into a sweaty mess.
Practice. Anything you try for the first time will be clumsy and awkward, maybe even difficult. By practicing your speech – over and over again until it is so part of you and flows off your tongue as if it is just another story you are telling a friend, you build your confidence to speak to several friends or a small group… until you are ready to speak to a large audience. Practice!
Shaping. Practice your speech and ask your audience (family members, friends, mentor, coach) for feedback. Try giving it several different ways. Break down the speech into bits and mix it up. All the while correcting your approach and delivery until you shape your presentation and performance.
Chaining. Very good and effective speeches, keynote talks, sales pitches… are complex. They are made up of many components within the speech to get you to the end result you desire – sell a product or service, teach a thought or program, build rapport with your audience, create new clients, whatever your end result is, your speech has to be built on a frame and chaining is how you piece it together so there is a natural flow, a rhythm that mesmerizes the audience. Think about a really good comedian who gets up on stage and tells little stories for the whole set and the last story wraps up and circles back to the first story – bringing the evening to a close so naturally and you give a standing ovation because you were mesmerized by how good he was – he practiced, shaped each story or joke, chained them all together and brought it to a close.
By using these techniques, you can change an old behaviour that you don’t want for a new one that you do want. Whatever you want to change, practice your new desired behavior, shape the new behaviour by approaching it in different ways and ask for feedback all the while tweaking it, chain all the components of the new skills you are now mastering together and now you have successfully changed your behaviour.